DO YOU REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SIGNING UP FOR?

 DO YOU REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SIGNING UP FOR?

Joy Olu-Ajayi 

Image Credit: Pinterest

In Nigeria and many English-speaking countries, many couples adopt the classic Christian wedding vows, a tradition inherited from English-speaking Christian ceremonies. The vow, in its widely recognised form, goes like this:

“I, [Name], take you, [Name], to be my lawfully wedded [husband/wife], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and this is my solemn vow.”

These words which are repeated in churches across the country, carry a lot of expectation and hope. They promise full commitment through life’s joys and struggles, through wealth and poverty, health and sickness. But how many pause to consider the depth of what is being promised? Even I have to ask myself if I really do understand what marriage means. 

“For better, for worse.” What does this truly mean? When life is smooth, when the sun shines and laughter fills your home, it is easy to smile, to hold hands and to promise forever. But what about the stormy days? When the business collapses and the bills are mounting, when he loses his job and the weight of failure crushes his spirit, will you still hold on? Will you release all of yourself in support, not just in words but in action, when life tests the very foundation of your togetherness; the reason for your union?

“For richer, for poorer.” Can you love when wealth abounds, when opportunities flow like a river? And will you stay when fortune fades before your eyes, when dreams dissolve in a moment of misfortune? Will you stay when society whispers that he is nothing? Will you walk beside him when he struggles to provide, when you can barely eat two meals in a day? Can you release your pride and comfort just to remain steadfast?

“In sickness and in health.” Can you love when the body fails, when mornings arrive with pain and evenings end in exhaustion? Imagine the night he is bedridden, fevered and frail, unable to care for himself, relying entirely on you. Will you be there? Will your love stretch beyond words into care, patience, and unending devotion? Or will promises of youth and strength fade when confronted by fragility and vulnerability?

“To love and to cherish.” But what is love if not tested? What is commitment if not measured in the little disappointments, the struggles no one sees? Will you cherish him when life is disappointing, when ambitions crumble, when the dreams you once shared seem distant and fragile? Will you speak encouragement when hope feels too heavy to carry? Will your love persist even when the world offers no applause and no recognition?

“Till death do us part.” Can you grasp the weight of those words? Not only the days you choose, not only the celebrations, but all the nights, the trials, the unseen struggles. This vow asks not for convenience, but for sacrifice. Not for perfection, but for endurance.

So I ask you deliberately: will you be there when it is hard? Will you be there when it is simple? Will you give all of yourself when life demands it most, when love is tested in silence and in the storm? Even I pause and ask myself: do I really understand what exactly I am signing up for?

And here is the thing: next time you go to a Saturday owambe party, remember this: those people getting married are not just celebrating a day. They are standing before God, before family, and before life itself, and they will speak these vows. They are making a lifetime commitment.

So when next you feel like forcing your friend into marriage, or celebrating a union like it is just another party, pause. Remember that this is serious! They have to mean these words, they have to be ready. And when you hear someone is getting married, remember that they still have to say these vows, and live them, every day, for the rest of their life.

This is marriage. The eternal commitment, the costly union, the promise that demands more than words.

This is a charge that the next time you think about marriage, reflect on the vows you will make on your wedding day. Reflect on the commitment, the dedication and the patience required. Think carefully about what you are signing up for, because more often than not, we do not truly understand what it really means.