Things In Relationships Nobody Talks About

 Things In Relationships Nobody Talks About

Olumurewa Damilola

Over time, there's been so much emphasis on having a partner or rather being in a relationship. It's all over social media which makes it hard to scroll past two posts without having to see a post on relationship advice, or a post on how an ideal relationship should look like. Some even do you the favour of letting you in on their “little” secrets on having a “perfect” relationship like there's anything like a “perfect” relationship to start with.

Now, let's paint a scenario we might all be familiar with. You must have had this experience while scrolling through TikTok and the first reel you see is the one where a girl goes on a ranting spree on how much she loves her boyfriend. Then she goes off to showcase the amazing gifts he bought her just because she was having menstrual cramps. And then you go on to check the comment session only for you to see how much people are gushing over them. Comments like: 

“Omg, you are so lucky.”

"He loves her so much.” (I guess he didn't love her when he didn't buy her anything) 

"My boyfriend does the same for me when I'm on my period.”

And then there's you, without a boyfriend or girlfriend happily enjoying your single life scrolling through the comments with your eyes rolling non stop. Not like you are a hater or you’re jealous of people who are in “seemingly” amazing relationships, No, you're not that sad, it's just sometimes you wonder if all relationships are bed of roses where everything is literally perfect without their own limitations. You wonder if what makes a great relationship is the amount of gifts showered and the number of vacations and road trips you make. Oh this feels familiar right? We’ve all had those doubts. Some at least. 

It is amusing that nobody talks or makes videos about the hard work, the dedication, and the selflessness people put into relationships. Those videos are hard to come by these days. Nobody talks about the days where you have to stay up late just to listen to your partner's problems and anxiety about the future. Nobody talks about those times where you have to sing your partner to sleep just because she/ he just enjoys that.

Another thing nobody talks about are the hours spent picking the perfect gifs and the perfect location for a date, also, don't let get started on the hours spent talking about all but nothing. 

Nobody talks about the fact that you have to cater for your partner's emotional, spiritual and sometimes financial needs. Don't get it twisted, this is not to insinuate that people should completely depend on their partners, but these are the basis of building long lasting relationships because loving someone is all about being there, showing out and showing up even when you don't feel like it. Love is unconditional and love is selfless.

True love is not only about the gifts and romance, it's also about your dedication and intentionality into making the relationship work. Most relationships fail because people enter with the mentality that a relationship is all about going on dates, cuddling up, reading love letters, posting each other on the gram, creating contents together and all other fancy stuff you could possibly think of. However, love is by choice where you choose to love someone with their flaws and weaknesses. 

Have you ever met someone and wondered why the person has a boyfriend or girlfriend? Personally, you feel like the person is so flawed in character that you wouldn't imagine someone putting up with all those flaws because you wouldn't since you are not Jesus right? Sorry to burst your bubbles but there’s someone who would look past the flaws and love unconditionally because that’s what love entails. You could feel pity for the person but you can't undo the love. It's just like the old saying; “There's a man for every woman and a woman for every man”. You just have to find yours.

Finally, Janelle, a writer on Substack once said; “Love is not about finding someone who completes you. It's about finding someone who meets you where you are and still chooses to stay ‎not the illusion of perfection, but the permission to be imperfect and still be loved. To be seen in the moments that are least flattering and still be held”. So when you are about to enter a relationship with that guy or lady, think deeply and ask yourself whether you're truly in love with the person enough to be intentional about making the relationship work. If you love their imperfections and their weaknesses enough to stay. If not, run and don't ever come back. 


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