Roommate Palaver: The Unwritten Survival Guide

 Image Credit: Pinterest

Joy Olu-Ajayi 

Living with a roommate sounds easy in theory, but in reality, it is a full-time lesson in human behaviour. Every day comes with a new surprise, and sometimes you just sit down and ask yourself how different people can live so differently in the same small space.

Because honestly, roommate palaver no be something wey person fit explain finish.

First, let’s talk about the silent roommate and the friendly one. You go enter room with good energy, ready to relate, maybe even build friendship. You greet, you ask questions, you try to start conversation. But your roommate go just answer you like say na interview.

“Hmm… fine.”

Nothing more.

You go try again, but e go clear say this person no come school to make friends. Dem just come to mind their business. Meanwhile you, you dey wonder if you talk too much. But truth be say, na personality difference, and na where the first wahala dey start.

Now on the other side, you get the one wey too free. This one no believe in personal property. If you keep something, just know say e don become public asset. Your cup, your plate, even your spoon go just dey circulate.

You go ask:

“Did you use my stuff?”

Dem go reply calmly:

“I thought you wouldn’t mind.”

That “I thought” go pain you pass the action itself.

Then comes the spiritual roommate. This one go turn room to prayer ground. Early morning, when your body still dey fight sleep, you go just hear loud prayers.

“Every spirit of delay, out!”

You go wake up confused, not knowing whether to say amen or beg for silence. You cannot complain too much because e go look like say you dey fight spiritual things. So you just lie down, eyes open, praying for sleep to return.

Another serious issue na the “I will wake you up” promise. You go trust your roommate, tell am:

“Please wake me by 6.”

Dem go agree confidently.

Morning reach, dem don wake, bath, dress, even leave room. You go still dey sleep. When you finally wake up late and ask, dem go just say:

“I forgot.”

That kind forgetting dey painful because na your day e don scatter.

Now make we enter kitchen and food matter.

You prepare food or keep something for later. You even plan am well. But when you return, the food don reduce or disappear. When you ask, dem go explain casually like say nothing happen.

“I was hungry.”

No apology, no warning. Just hunger explanation.

At that moment, you go understand say in roommate life, food security no dey guaranteed.

Next, let’s talk about kerosene and basic shared resources. This one dey always cause silent tension. You buy kerosene, you keep am. Before you know, the level don drop. Nobody go talk. Nobody go explain.

You go dey wonder:

“Did I use it like this?”

But deep down, you know say you no use am reach that level.

Same thing with water, gas, or even small provisions. People go use, but accountability no dey. And because you dey try avoid conflict, you go just keep quiet, even when e dey pain you.

Now the matter of noise.

Some roommates no understand say people need rest. Phone calls go loud, music go dey play, videos go dey sound like cinema. Night time no mean anything to them.

You wey need quiet, you go just dey manage. Sometimes you go even use pillow cover your ear, just to get small peace.

Then we enter cleanliness.

This one serious.

Some people no dey wash plate on time. Plate go dey pile up, one on top another. You go see old food stains like history. If you talk, dem go say:

“I will wash it.”

But that washing no go happen anytime soon.

Clothes matter dey another level. Dirty clothes go dey everywhere. Bed, chair, floor, everywhere go turn storage space. Clean and dirty go mix together until you no even know which one be which.

Bathroom and toilet matter sef no easy. Some people no dey flush properly. You go enter, you go regret why you even go there. 

At that point, you go just stand and ask yourself how adults dey behave like this.

Even general cleaning become problem. Sweeping, arranging, taking out dirt, all these things go turn responsibility nobody wants to claim. Everybody dey wait for “someone” to do it.

But that someone no dey exist.

Despite all these, roommate life still dey teach something. You go learn patience in ways wey nobody fit teach you for class. You go learn how to adjust, how to ignore and sometimes how to speak up.

Because if you no talk at all, you go suffer quietly.

And the funny thing be say, sometimes you go even catch yourself doing small things wey resemble wetin you dey complain about.

That’s just how it is.

Roommate palaver is not just about problems. It is about learning how to live with different kinds of people, each with their own habits and mindset.

E no easy, but e dey memorable.

One day, when you finally get your own space, you go think about all these things and laugh. Because even though e stressful, e still be part of the experience wey you no go forget.

And that is the real unwritten survival guide.